just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
