haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
