also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
