The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
