I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
