So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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