fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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