My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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