Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
