You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
