Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Success! We fucked roommates!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
