My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
