Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
