I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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