It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize