I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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