I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
