I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
