when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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