You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
