so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
