absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize