i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
