You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
