u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
