please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
