genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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