Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
