My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
