my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
