True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
