Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
