Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
