I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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