ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
