you turned your livingroom into a bong?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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