i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
soo... how was my night?
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