i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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