shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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