I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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