It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize