i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
