and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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