I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We had sex on a dog bed..
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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