Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I want a musical about memes.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
