God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
