We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
