I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
MIDGETS
????
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize