Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
