this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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