TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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