he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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