he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
