Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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