He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
even my farts smell like vagina
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You took a bar mat shot.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
