i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize