I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
