My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
