i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
