So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
