I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize