The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
