yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
