I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
