I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
