He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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