I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
