Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
porn star boner night. come get it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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