I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
