New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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