I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
