My underwear smells like fireworks.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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