Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize