if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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