we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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