i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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