I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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