Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Shame is for Republicans.
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