dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
high people should be assigned attendants
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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