it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
