watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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