The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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