We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
