im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
