do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
