I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
