I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
