One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize