i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
