I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
