wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
