It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
